the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Randomize