Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize