she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
