I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
