Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
