I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
