C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Non-Jews are for practice
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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