i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
