my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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