Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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