I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
