What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
