Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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