I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
