Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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