How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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