so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
