some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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