The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
