3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
from now on my penis is your penis
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
