Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
