Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize