she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
