i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
well you can't waste a boner
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
