You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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