woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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