Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
