I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
PANTIES FOUND
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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