I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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