If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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