My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize