Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
