Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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