Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
