i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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