i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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