Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
