i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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