Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Randomize
