turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
they're like a gay fantastic four
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
