Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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