I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
