So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
