Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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