Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
