did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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