I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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