what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
