and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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