The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize