ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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