thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
