why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize