Capitaan dildo arrescate!
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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