Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
