no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
