THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize