with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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