you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
can u get pink eye on your cock?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
