OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
