Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
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