This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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