ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
