you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
