The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
