Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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