Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
