How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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