tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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