Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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