She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
